Here’s to 2013 a Thank You from me to you

This year was filled with so many kind people, I know I could not have made it through without you!

friendship-66v

Most of the year I was here

images (1)

 

Toothaches, kidneys and near death oh my!

From the local elementary school I caught a cold I thought was the flu

images (2)

Until the flu invaded and taught me the error of my assumption.

webmd-flu-outbreak-influenza-sick-somewhat-topical-ecards-someecards

 

You were always there for me though.

bird_flu_mad_cow

 

Through the silence of my madness you were the perma-lift supporting my recovery!

247f79eb19aaf7c51f27a5cb3763004f

 

I felt the beauty of your support and thank you all!

The highs and lows of my writing were celebrated and sympathized by all, I thank you for showing me

rejection

 

There were letters ending in Thank you, Best of luck, Best regards and my favorite Warm regards (not being sarcastic). I completely felt warmly regarded

wfwednesday

and sallied forth with my writing career, eventually pulling a rabbit out of my hat.

images (5)

 

I was ecstatic to add playwright to my resume

images (4)

 

Okay, it wasn’t quite Shakespeare but I felt the love nonetheless!

Thank you DYSPLA,

DYSPLA Festival

Decoding Dyslexia and many others

download (2)

for ending the year with a bang!

sallyfield-meme-generator-you-like-me-you-really-like-me-1c90be

 

There were parties I went to and new people I met.

1471812_10201455075232662_1975369526_n

 

There were great e-mails and new friendships made

Friends-best friend-friend picture-freinds wallpaper-friendship (2)

 

You will find us on life’s pier saluting the naysayers Braveheart style

images

 

With the year at an end, I have plenty to look forward to.

Projektmanagementbüro_1

There are several projects on my table, some may cost me my life

Others may only leave me hungry.

images (6)

All in all, I am looking forward to 2014 and all mayhem these projects will bring.

Hope to see you there,

 

DyslexicWhisper

1116373_1325689761_1692250730_q

 

 

The Difference Between 19.84% and 20% Blood Loss!

What is the difference and why should you care?

I will tell you. The difference is whether you get a transfusion or you are left to grow those little red blood cells yourself. Which is like watching water boil, when you forget to turn on the burner. 

You should care because if you ever find yourself in this predicament (having lost 19.86% of your blood instead of the required 20%) I strongly urge you to punch yourself in the nose. The pain will be worth the long time period of feeling brain dead and being so tired you have to pinch yourself just to know you’re still among the living.

The back story is insane but long story short, I’d been bleeding internally for two months and instead of looking in the mirror and seeing my pale skin as an indication of my health (or linking it to my nearly passing out everywhere I went) I added more foundation till I looked like Tan-Mom and told myself to try harder. Try harder to get the house clean, keep the kids entertained and write on little writer. Never mind my vision going or the numbing of my limbs. I was a trooper and sure it was my hard life making me weary nothing more. I did not know I was half dead. Or would that be 19.86% dead? Not sure but I was a walking, dysfunctional, hot mess! 

In my defense, I didn’t have enough cogs turning in my oxygen deprived brain to figure all this out. Nor did I have money for the insurance co-pay. I was saving for my daughter’s new glasses. She had been without them all summer. It was right before school and I was determined to get them for her. Cha-ching! I almost became a martyr of my own life. 

I tried to keep up my social networking but lost my drive. I stopped reading altogether! My children would point out how tired I look all the time and I would look in the mirror and think, more foundation.

My parents came to see me and in true grandparent form they paid for my daughter’s back-to-school needs. Unbeknownst to them, they saved my life. I had an appointment with a Doctor in less than 24 hours (after speaking with an advise nurse) easily paying the co-pay with my unspoken for cash. The doctor fixed me up with an “easy” outpatient procedure and in two days I was on the mend. “On the mend” being the slowest process in the known world.  

 I watched a million documentaries and stared holes in my walls. I chose one piece of writing and worked through blurry eyes to accomplish my goals.  They diagnosed me with Vertigo from the oxygen deprivation, other than that and being tongue tied all the time I am almost back to my old self. 

Thank you all for your patients and support!

Image

~DyslexicWhisper Kellee Bishop Farr

Sunshine Award

download (1)

What a wonderful way to begin my week! Thank you Melissa Gaines for the nomination.                                                                     Melissa Gaines Twitter link: @melGmow 

The fact that you thought of my blog fills my world with sunshine! Your triumphs in life have helped and inspire me. What a beautiful person you are. I encourage all to check out Melissa’s blog:

Forever Fitting In

After receiving the nomination, the blogger must:

1. Acknowledge the nominating blogger;
2. Share 11 random facts about yourself;
3. Answer 11 questions the nominating blogger has created for you;
4. List 11 bloggers. They should be bloggers that you believe deserve some recognition and a little blogging love!
5. Post 11 questions for the bloggers that you nominated to answer; and
6. Let all of the bloggers know that they’ve been nominated. You cannot nominate the blogger that nominated you.

11 Random Facts

  1. I have sixteen siblings. Although I have not lived with all of them they are dear to my heart.
  2. My mother is my idol and my father is my hero!
  3. I have been scalped. lol. I was in a car accident when I was eight-months pregnant. Just before my head went through the windshield it wiped the controls from the ceiling, in return, scalping me. 360 stitches and a reverse mo-hawk later, I was in possession of my scalp again.
  4. The things that make my world worth living: family, sarcasm, documentaries, history and writing.
  5. I love writing classes. Looking forward to this fall!
  6. I studied Maria Montessori in college and accidentally found the keys to my learning style.
  7. My sister, Jeni, is an endless source of pride for me. Her accomplishments and life are awe-inspiring.
  8. Whenever I go to target I open a box of crayons and smell them. Best ever!

     9. I was Prom Queen, Class President and Activities Director at my tiny high school.

    10. One of the best things in life is playing tag with little kids. I use to be a party host at a children’s play center (four years ago). Instead of awkward small talk with the adults I would lead the children in a game of extreme-tag using the giant play structure. I can run up a double slide doing a sharp 180 at the top launching myself back down ending in an impressive four foot double hop at the bottom. All without being caught by 30 maniac 5 year-olds. Now that my friends is living!

     11. I’ve loved wearing hats since I was a toddler.

36081_1656924386062_4451064_n

11 Questions: (Nominees: Please answer these same questions)

What’s your favorite meal of the day — breakfast, lunch or dinner?

The one that I did not have to make!

 What’s your favorite fruit?

My older sister Sandy. LOLOL

When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up? 

A stunt woman. My cousin Tony would tie a rope to his bike and race off with me on my skates holding on for dear life. I thought I was headed for stardom. He would also hold on to my hand and foot twirling as quickly as possible, finally launching me into the prickly bushes. He was one year older and five times my size. Best memories EVER! (not being sarcastic)

What quality do you find most attractive in others? 

Humor.

167235_1693170886854_105791_n (2)
What’s your favorite sport? 

Extreme exercising with Sandy. (Biking for 7 hours. Full contact brownie grabbing.) She built an air-conditioned, exercise/movie theater room in her backyard. No seats, just cardio-machines and flat screen/surround sound. Downton Abbey Marathon here we come.

What’s your favorite candy? 

The kind I sneak into a theater.

What’s your favorite online shopping website?

Amazon

What’s your pet peeve?

People that never took the time to get to know me but don’t like me.

Winter, spring, summer or fall? 

Fall in California. Smells sooo wonderful!

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

No idea. I don’t wear shoes unless I have to. But I love boots and I have a pair of HEELYS. lol

images (12)

The Blogs I Nominate Are:

 You should visit their blogs.  Support the worlds starving bloggers and don’t forget to “like” and share.
~Dyslexicwhisper

Calling All Grammar Nazis and Kind Perfectionists

You, yes, you. The ones that read my work and think, goodness how did she miss that?  Thank you for your kindness! Despite the errors you have followed, commented, liked and support me!

In my experience, people know I am dyslexic and overlook these imperfections. I also know there are those that read my work, and, like an itch that cannot be reached they suffer from the grammatical, punctual and misspelled typos. Bless your hearts for coming back despite the itch.

This is a call to action, a way of letting you know I don’t want you to suffer. Even though you’ve been wonderful thus far.

I am offering you a lifetimes supply of my all-purpose Grammar Cream! So, go on, sooth that itch! It works with any error found throughout my blog. That’s right, every page!!

images (5) gra

If you read my work and find an error, whip out that cream and feel free to leave a comment. I find people that read my work to be very kind. They are wonderful people who have laughed along with my goofy posts and appreciate it unconditionally. That being said, I know there are people out there that see what I cannot. This cream is for you my friend!

I do understand that my writing can be riddled with errors. I’m not suggesting to edit everything. But, if you come across something that gnaws at you by all means put it in the comments. Trust me when I say, I will remember an editor that ‘gets’ me, when my latest manuscript is ready. Or, a friend that needs help promoting their work.  Go ahead and pick as many errors as you must, in order to sooth your itch. Even if you shyly pick the one that irritates you most, I will not only change said error but be grateful as well.

So, dig in and then sit back while I look through the corrections and face palm in multiple aha moments. I love you all for the wonderful support you have showered on my writing. But, I would like to let you know I have incredibly thick skin (that unfortunately never has this itch).

Who am I kidding, you will need enough! Love you all!!

images (7)argh

If you are one of the lucky professionals that work as an editor, feel free to leave your information and links in the comment section.

~Dyslexicwhisper

Passwords, Captchas and the blood of a virgin!

SO, I have scoured the internet and landed on a blog worthy of my time. Worthy of being e-mailed directly to my inbox. Maybe even worthy of  adding to my tool bar! THAT worthy!

I am seconds from unlocking the wisdom of others. Uncovering the truths that elude me.

They assure me, with just a couple of easy clicks, I will be a priority member of this amazing cult blog. The blog police just have to make sure I am human. Insert captcha request.

OUT COMES MY INNER DYSLEXIC NINJA!

I’ve got this!

SCPAIVI    …. No ….

No worries. I come at it full force!

….. 

SCUMMY …. NO!…. Shit! I regroup… and focus…

 ….    

SCRUMDILLIUMPTIOUS …..NO!!……  Now I’m lost!

I start looking for words in the dictionary, thesaurus and Holy Bible.

I question myself… always wondering…if the blog really is ALL that it claims to be?  if so, why must I suffer to obtain this information? Is this an academic club that will forever be out of reach?

images (3)

I pull out all the stops and find the unstoppable true ninja within. Giving it one last try.

     

…. SCRAM …..

The world unlocks!

  Everything within reach.

…..AFTER I verify my email! WHAT?!?! Really!

Easy enough. I go to my email account. Clever dyslexic that I am, I bypass the “sign in” page because I store the ID and password on my computer that  my horrific memory cannot. Only to be denied once again.

Not me! Dyslexic Ninja to the rescue!

My ID comes easy enough. I start to type and the computer remembers the rest.

The password is a different story.

I search my memory for what was going on in my life around the time of the last password change. I try: CHOColate …. An error message comes up saying this is not my password.

I think and revise to: CHOColateNOW! Nothing…

I try: FoCusGrAsShOpPeR

… Not a chance!   The computer helpfully reminds me I changed my password 36 days ago.

I give the computer a mental B***H SLAP! And press the “Forgot your password” option.

The computer gives me the choice of answering three of my six secret questions. SCORE! I got this, right?!?! I mean these questions were chosen by me and they are about me. How can anything go wrong?

The first choice: What is your favorite color.

Lock. Load. Fire! Green, baby! My favorite color is green! Two to go.

I scroll to choose the next question.

My other options: What was your third grade teachers name?

My third grade teacher. hmmm. Did I even know how to spell her name then? And if I get the right spelling do I need to capitalize the first letter?

NEXT!

What color panties are you wearing?

My panties?!? I’m wearing my Tuesday panties! But… Was it Tuesday when my sarcastic ass thought of this question??? Skip!

Who was your childhood best friend?

What was your first pet’s name?

And finally, How much wood can a wood chuck chuck?

My mind starts to race, my hands clammy.

I go for the best friend question and type in her name. Nope! Wait! What? Oh yeah, I used her nick name. I spell out Samwisegamgee, not seeing the humor that I am sure had me rolling when I made this brilliant decision 36 days ago!

After the sadistic image of me kicking a wood chuck races through my mind, I enter my childhood pet’s name. O’Guy.

I am taken to the password changing page. After filling the requirements that my password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin

   

I gather these necessary elements for the complex new password and am finally redirected to the much anticipated holy grail of blogs, I anxiously await the first topic:

101 writing tips!

ARGHHHHHH!

I think I owe a virgin an apology!

~Dyslexicwhisper

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic! Ha!! I love this. It is me through and through.

When I tell someone I am dyslexic they often say, “So you read and write things backwards.” This does not come out like a question. The fact that people can put any of what dyslexia is about into words is a good thing. Personally I am more of an inside out perspective. Lemons inside out is Melons. This is me.

I recently tried explaining what it is like for me to edit my work. When I visualize editing something I have written, a meat tenderizer always comes to mind.

You see, I write something and reread it. To the best of my ability my work will pass my inspection. I will then let it “rest” for a while and go back for a once over  later. When I do (this is where the meat tenderizer comes in) I pulverize my work. I will say to myself, that doesn’t sound right. I will recognize the missing word and type it in. Now, say the missing word is LEMONS easy enough fix, right? Wrong.

I will look at my freshly typed word and think, that doesn’t look right.

I will modify LEMONS with my favorite writing tool the all important meat tenderizer. Reworking until Life itself will question the sanity of placing LEMONS in my care.

I will then ask someone around me to spell it, matching the letters one by one. This always takes two times through the word. I will then ask my appointed speller if they are sure. And, for some twisted fate in life they’re always positive.

I will come out of said revise with Melons and shake my fist at the Gods Of Revision.

In the end I am left with life giving me one more of those extra Melons. I quickly take it away and put it with the mountains of other Melons life has given me.

Now compound that one word into a whole manuscript of words and add in punctuation. Eventually winding up here.

Some people, when asked what they want most in life, will answer with things like happiness, peace of mind. Not me. My wish would be for an editor or a beta reader. You see the definition of peace of mind for me would be to spell the word Lemons and know without a doubt that it is in fact Lemons staring back at me. As for happiness? Well, all I can tell you is when life hands out Lemons I always get Melons and who wouldn’t be happy with an endless supply of Melons!!

Writing Writing Tips For Less Knowledgeable Writers Is Supposed To Help Me Reach My Target Audience?

If you ask how to drive traffic to your blog the answer is almost always the same. Provide something of value to your potential reader. This is always followed by writing tips.

The blog I’m supposed to write. 101 writing tips.

The underlying point of a writer blogging about the rules of the trade is (according to other successful authors): To gain traffic so people will find out about and buy your book. There are SO many of these blogs it is mind boggling. But when an author blogs about writing tips and then spams a million “buy my children’s book” tweets, I get confused.

My question: Why would you think that your future readers are other writers? Sure, writers usually love reading but they are not your target audience.

Don’t get me wrong, I love reading about writing tips. I have grown as a writer because of those tips and I need them. But my novel is geared towards  young adults. Shouldn’t I be trying to get the fans of bands like One direction to read my blog?? I am a young adult author, they are young adults, that would seem logical to me.

The answer is no, leave “One Directioners” alone and concentrate on your genre or purpose.  (Trust me, unless you are One Direction, trying to sell your auto-biography, these fans are NOT interested, no matter what you blog about.)

Am I the only one who sees a flaw in the “writing tips” method? Personally, I value creative over perfect only because I cannot always see your mistakes (being dyslexic me) but I can immerse myself into your cleverly written world. (And, if you break the rules of writing for a clever, creative purpose, I will immediately consider you a kindred spirit.)

Now, if the purpose of writing tips is to attract your peers than this is a very effective method. But, if you are looking for your target audience, know who they are and what they like. Theme your blog around those guidelines because I bet their not interested in writing tips. Then tweet about your blog and have that lead them to your book.

For example: Say your novel’s genre is paranormal, I would include something like this link:

Most Haunted Real Places http://inventorspot.com/13_real_haunted_places?page=0%252C1

Gain interest in your novel by immersing your audience in what they love. Take them on a virtual tour that will scare the shit out of them. Or treat them to a bit of the urban-legend that prompted you to write your sure-to-be best selling thriller. If you make it clever I assure you, your readers will periodically check back in to see where else you can take them. Eventually they WILL by your book.

If they love romance and your novel is just that, then maybe an article about relationships, or, if you wanted me to buy your book/read your blog, include this picture. I assure you I will buy whatever this man is selling!

If you are writing a non-fiction about something like gardening, a link like this may be of interest to your reader: http://www.garden.org/

http://www.garden.org/regional/report/arch/inmygarden/4318

4318

These people are dying to know how others get carrots to grow in the desert. Keep your blog about gardening and leave out the writing tips. Who knows, you may even attract the interest of people behind said link, prompting them to mention your work. Credible website says buy your book, sounds like marketing gold if you ask me!

Whatever your genre create a buzz of awesome information, immersing your target audience in what they love. It makes sense and gives your blog purpose. This is what I will be doing as my writing career eeks along.

If you have a manuscript and are trying to attract the illusive agent/publisher, make your blog samples of your writing style. Focus on your strengths.

If you are like me, you are learning as you go. A blog about writing is not only appreciated but necessary. But if your tweeting “buy my book” and making everyone mad, I suggest writing a blog that sparks an interest for your target audience. Then you can tweet about your latest posts and sell some books based on the creative and vast knowledge of your genre. This can save a LOT of wasted time. Not to mention the Twitter Police will stop writing “what not to do” articles (that really are true, sorry to say) about you.

I have accomplished a great many goals with this blog. For me it serves a multitude of purposes. I look forward to doing some creative posts about my up and coming genre, adding randomly to  my writing portfolio and connecting with individuals/groups with common interests.

I wish you all the best and hope you enjoyed my cleverly disguised (must have) post about writing tips. LOL ~Dyslexicwhisper

Query This!

I have always wanted to start my query letter off with: Dear Query Gods. Because lets face it, that’s how it feels.

images (2)

Dear Query Gods,

Thank you for being out there to glance at my plea. It has taken me twice as long to write this as it did the novel,

images (40)

but that is okay because I understand that each Query God needs to be worshiped in a different way (by the way your non-gimmicky churro of the month basket should begin next month).

images (13)

I know your time is precious so I made sure to write something that will make you rich and famous.

images (19)

I am confident you are the right Query God for the job because I follow you, I mean I subscribe to your facebook page and follow you on twitter. I feel like I am your number one stalker,

images (16)

I mean fan, having read every one of your tweets about your cats and their daily routine.

By the way, did I mention my protagonist is a cat?

images (24)images (23)images (22)

images (21)

I humbly submit my risky manuscript. If I play my cards right you may just write me back telling me no, in no less than 500 different ways.

images (34)

But that is alright because every time my spam filled e-mail shows a response from one of you, my heart starts pounding, and that is enough to hook me like a crack addict.

images (27)

What is my book about, you want to know? Well, let me tell you. No better yet why don’t you tell me what you want my book to be about and I will start fresh, because I read so many novels that are such crap, yet still get published, that I am confident I can be your stooge if given half the chance.

images (30)

My credentials you ask? Let me get out the list… Sorry, I had it on the back of a Target receipt and must have tossed it out. Oh, no, wait, I have none! If I seriously had the kind of credentials that would win me a book deal wouldn’t you be writing me this letter?

images (32)

I would have liked to tell you more but my word count is already up there, risking rejection by a glance.

images (36)

So please, we have strained the alphabet enough. Can’t wait to hear from you, I can tell your as eager about this as I am.

Yours (not in an over friendly, not in an unfriendly way)

images (37)                              images (39)

Kellee

farr.kellee@gmail.com

1-800-your-stooge

@greatbigimpressivetwitterlink

666 sold my soul dr.

images (41)

I Had A Dream: A Thank You From Me To You!

Image

As the year wraps up and I am fully immersed in the holiday season I want to take a minute to say thank you! Thank you to my readers, friends, family and my internet community!

At first the year started out like this…

Image

And I was stuck in my metaphorical tower…

Image

Afraid to put myself out there…

Image

I decided to try anyways. And most of the first few months felt like this…

Image

Many moments felt like this…

Image

But I started to get the hang of things and I figured out what I needed…

Image

The more time I spent doing this…

Image

The more people I came to know…

Image

And the more they came to feel like family…

Image

A few even became close…

Image

They helped steer me away from anything suspicious…

Image

And anyone suspicious…

Image

I put together my professional image…

Image

I was able to cling to that illusion even when I felt like this…

Image

I met a great publisher…

Image

And they shared their secrets with me…

Image

They gave me direction…

Image

I hold dearly the time they have invested in my work…

Image

This opened up possibilities for me…

Image

They wanted to know who I was…

Image

I showed them how I think…

Image

I found out that underdog was really the definition of superhero…

Image

This kept me from to much…

Image

In turn stopping me from going…

Image

My best friend is my sister. I call her my Samwise because she will walk to the fiery mountain with me. Always standing by my side.

Image

Oftentimes leading the way, sometimes even carrying me…

Image

I love her with all my heart and soul…

Image

I went to some great parties…

Image

I met interesting people and introduced them to my personality …

Image

I learned not to take life too seriously…

Image

And when I look back at all the people I have met and all the milestones I have accomplished I am happy to say I love my life and everyone in it! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

So thank you and Happy Holidays!

Image

Image

DYSLEXICWHISPER

Image